Tough & Tender, work in progress
Most years around Christmas my son bought my mother an Amaryllis, in 2020/21 Mum was living in a care home. There was a close association of mum with the Amaryllis, I had memories of it sitting above the kitchen sink. I bought one for myself, placing it in the studio, that had until recently been her ‘Granny flat’.
The plant was placed on a table by the window, I became absorbed by minute changes, the forming of a bud then a flower. Each time I entered the studio observing how the daylight fell on it, I was excited, I began to photograph it. My subject came inside, to my lockdown studio. The project grew at its own pace, becoming an obsession, I didn’t think through the trajectory of the work. The Amaryllis began to stand in for the absence of my Mum, especially because I was unable to visit her due to Covid restrictions, at the same time my new studio space resonated with her presence, I felt close to her, it was as if I could still smell her.
Below are a selection of contact prints taken between the end of January and early June, charting the regeneration and decline of the Amaryllis, I took far too many photographs, this is a selection.
Working title ‘Tough & Tender’ A Labour of love.
The studio camera, was a Fugifilm GX 6800 III, a medium format camera resulting in 6 x 8 negatives, this is the first time I have worked with the vertical; in portrait format. I took 89 films, 800 photographs. The photographs were taken whilst my mother was still alive, however the flow of the project has been punctuated by her death, aged 93.
I continue making work prints, the project slowly progresses, it has faltered now my perspective has changed, I am no longer a daughter. This collection of still life photographs, a vanitas; reminding me of my own mortality.
Alongside these black and white photographic studies of the Amaryllis are a series phone photographs, colour, taken when visiting Mum, and photographs of my mother when she was a young girl.